My Wish

In my post about Thirteen Reasons Why, I mentioned that I have certain young adult series to which I go back over and over again. One of those is the Christy Miller series, by Robin Jones Gunn. It's the only series that I read sort of against my better judgment. By my normal standards, it's not great literature. The plot twists are a little convenient, and the characters a bit flat. But they are also funny and fun to be with. They process their lives in the same way that I do. Even though they are representative of the epidemic in Christian literature that dumbs everything down, they are also a rare thing in books these days: characters who understand the gospel, more or less, and are trying to live it out. I can count on one hand the number of quality, believable Christian characters I've read in novels. Talk about being underrepresented. But making a stink about this is no use, because the truth is that a non-believer simply can't understand the driving force behind a believer's life. It's a totally different framework. Because of that, my standards for those kinds of characters are a bit lower. It's just nice to read about them sometimes.

I first read these books, which begin with Christy at age 14, when I myself was in high school. By publication date, Christy should be about ten years older than I am, so by the time I started reading them, the first twelve-book series about Christy had been published, and Gunn had already moved on to Sierra Jensen, who appears in the final book in Christy's series and then gets her own collection of twelve. One thing I love about these books is character reappearances. That's just a great thing about series in general. Long-term friendships are the best kind, and it always feels like a gift when someone you knew a long time ago resurfaces in a meaningful way. Characters from Christy's books do that constantly. In fact, all of Gunn's series are essentially interrelated. I haven't read them all, but sometimes I'll be reading a book that has absolutely nothing to do with Christy, and suddenly her Uncle Bob will pop up. That's fun.

Because my first experience with these books was so long ago, there is a nostalgia piece here. I remember going through things that Christy and Sierra went through while I was reading their books. Of course, they both had a much easier time getting boys to like them than I did, but generally speaking, they were similar to me. Re-reading these books takes me back to those times in my life. I'm both joyful that they happened and thankful that I finally escaped into adulthood! I like reliving them through these stories.

After Gunn finished the Sierra series, she turned her attention elsewhere for a while, but eventually got back to Christy. She published three books about Christy marrying her "screaming-silver-blue-eyed surfer boy" Todd (I know, gag me with a spoon), then four books about Christy's best friend Katie finishing college and moving to Africa, and most recently has published three books about Christy and Todd's married life together. Christy is now 26, so I surpassed her in age a long time ago. And that's what was so weird about reading her latest book, One More Wish.

When I first read about Christy when I was in high school, she was that age too, but the books were ten years old. I got my hands on the college years books in my 20's, so by then I was already older than her. And if Christy continues to age at the rate she has, I'll eventually be in a different generation from her. But somehow, we are going through the exact same thing right now: trying to have a baby.

This has been a strange and confusing journey for me. My husband and I decided to start trying for a family about four months ago. Before that, I was terrified to get pregnant. I wanted our marriage to be strong, and I wanted us to have a lot more money before a baby came along. I think we've accomplished the first, even if the second will probably never be far enough long for me to feel safe. But I'm almost 33, and waiting too much longer to have children seemed foolish. We decided to stop waiting. This has been harder than I thought it would be. In one way or another, every day of the month is focused on this process. There is a sense of failure every time we don't get pregnant (if you're trying and not succeeding, aren't you failing?). There is fear about how long this could take and if it's even possible. It is definitely different from what I thought it would be.

Christy and Todd go through the same thing in One More Wish. I appreciated reading Christy's thoughts as she processed jealousy toward friends, fear about the future, and disappointment in negative tests. Of course, since it's a Christian book, her conclusions were much neater than mine often are and, spoiler alert, she does get a positive pregnancy test on the very last page. That was disheartening, because I haven't gotten to the last page of my story on this subject yet. Christy has beaten me to the finish line before, but this time felt worse. Maybe because I've gotten older, so my months feel shorter than Christy's months.

In any case, I don't know if Gunn plans to write more Christy books, but I have to think she will. Every time it seems like she's moved on from Christy for good, she writes more. Because I've grown to love the character, I'm sure I'll be reading along. I just hope that in the next book, Christy and I will have more in common then than we do now.