A Story

Once upon a time, there lived a girl named Michelle. Michelle was a pretty decent girl; she mostly did what she was supposed to and stayed out of other people's way (note to my Presbyterian friends: this story has no spiritual dimension, so don't be disturbed by the previous). All she expected in return was that others do the same. She figured that if she did her part, others would as well. She thought this would be especially true in a commercial environment. After all, she lived in a capitalist society. The economy was founded on the principle of competition, and in order to keep the competition going, businesses needed to provide good customer service and effective products.

One day, Michelle found herself in a position to move across town. It wasn't even across town, really; just a few blocks away. Even though she was moving so close, she had a lot of stuff, and her apartment was on the fifth floor with no elevator, so in order to save herself the certain agony that would be hers if she carried everything, she decided to rent a U Haul truck. She had never done this before, having always had a car in the past, but she thought it seemed like a fairly simple thing to do, and U Haul was a fairly well-known corporation, so she didn't think this would cause her significant problems. Her roommate Laura also needed the truck, so it made sense to split the cost and use it on the same day. The fringe benefit was that Laura's boyfriend, Clint, would also assist, which was handy since Michelle had no boyfriend to speak of.

Several days prior to the actual move, Michelle went online to uhaul.com and reserved her truck. It was a fairly simple transaction, requiring a credit card number and a five dollar deposit. The website informed her that a U Haul representative would contact her by phone the day before the move to confirm her reservation and designate a time for pick up. Said call was made and the truck was reserved for 8 hours beginning at 10 a.m. So far, so good.

Michelle's roommate Debby, who was moving some things to Long Island that same day, asked if she could go in on the truck with Laura and Michelle. They agreed because it would cost everyone less money, and you can't argue with that. So on the morning of the move, Michelle and Debby left to go pick up the truck. It was at a U Haul location within walking distance from their current place of residence. They arrived there just before 10:00. They walked into a store that was approximately 100 degrees Fahrenheit with no air conditioning. Michelle assumed that a store that did not bother to provide its customers with basic creature comforts would surely make up for the lack by speedily processing each vehicle and sending the customers happily on their way. Michelle began to doubt this theory at approximately 10:40 when she and Debby were finally invited to step up to the counter.

The employee at the counter offered a contract and requested identification. She also informed them that they would need to have the truck back on the lot at 5:30. This confused Michelle, who had reserved the truck for eight hours, which meant it should be returned at 6 if it was given to them at the promised time. Since it was not, she expected that the return time be extended. The employee begrudgingly changed the return time to 6. Rather than argue the details, they decided to b e grateful that the entire process took approximately three and a half minutes. Since there were only about six or seven people in line ahead of Michelle and Debby, they were very confused as to why the line took so long to move. However, they now had paperwork for an actual truck in their hands, so they brushed it off and went out to the lot.

Once there, they discovered that almost all of the people who had been in line ahead of them when they arrived were yet to receive their trucks. At this point the people, who were New Yorkers, began to loudly and colorfully express their disappointment. Debby decided to find out what the hold up was. She came back to report that the first truck in line had no gas, and the customer's sheet had been marked at a quarter tank. Said customer was throwing the adult equivalent of a temper tantrum and insisting that she receive a quarter of a tank of gas. Everyone else suggested that the U Haul employees merely change the sheet to reflect the actual amount of gas in the tank, but this alternative was not acceptable to the customer. Finally, at around 11:15, a U Haul employee gave the customer a voucher, and the truck was moved. During this time, Debby had gone to speak to the manager about the situation, and was met with rudeness and indifference.

About twenty minutes later, Debby and Michelle finally pulled off the lot in their truck. The only happy part of the story is that Michelle got to drive the truck the nineteen blocks home. Despite the fact that she topped out at 30 mph, she still enjoyed herself immensely, having been deprived of automobile operation for almost three months.

Once home, the truck was quickly loaded with Michelle and Laura's things and driven to their new apartment. As they unloaded, Clint picked up Michelle's desktop computer. As he did so, water spilled out of the side. Upon closer examination, a hole in the roof of the truck was discovered. A thunderstorm that happened to blow over just as they left for the apartment had managed to dump rain into the truck and right onto the computer, which naturally was directly in its path. Michelle did her best not to think about all the files that would be lost forever if her hard drive was damaged, and resumed moving her stuff.

After everything was out of the truck, Michelle drove it back to Debby, again relishing the opportunity to sail down Broadway at 30 mph. After warning Debby about the rogue hole, Michelle booked it back to her apartment to finish unloading. Eventually the task was complete and, dripping with sweat (literally - about twenty trips each up 64 stairs), Michelle, Laura, and Clint walked back to the house to shower. Debby was about ready to take the truck out to Long Island.

You'd think this was the end of the story. But it's not.

Around 8:00 p.m., Michelle, who was in the library of the house with Diva, received a phone call from Debby. Debby informed her that the truck had broken down (and the battery was dead, which meant the hazard lights did not work) and that she had been waiting two hours for roadside assistance. Apparently when one calls U Haul about an inoperable truck, the standard response is transfer to several irrelevant departments and then multiple assertions of: "We'll call you back in thirty minutes with an approximate arrival time." Debby, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, begged Michelle to come relieve her. Michelle was more or less indisposed, and therefore had to decline, but did so with great fury that she was receiving such horrendous customer service. Eventually, a policeman came by and informed Debby that she was in a dangerous location. She informed him that she was aware and that she could do nothing. The policeman finally agreed to push her the ten blocks to the U Haul lot from which the truck had come (yes, that is how close she was when the truck broke down).

Today Michelle received a voice mail that went as follows: "Ok, this is U Haul calling in regards to the truck that you parked illegally across the street. There's no keys in it, and you're starting to accumulate tickets. I don't know when you intend on returning the vehicle or the keys for the vehicle, but we suggest that you do that as soon as possible. Thank you." Michelle wonders if the caller has any documentation of the numerous pleas for roadside assistance that Debby made, and if the company is at all aware that the truck is parked illegally because no one came to help her after two hours. Michelle is confused. She is angry. She decides that capitalism is a failed system and goes to drown her sorrows in sesame chicken.

Epilogue
The computer is ok. Fortunately for the folks at U Haul.

Song In My Head: "Not Ready To Make Nice" - Dixie Chicks. Yeah. I'm that mad.