The Puzzle of Prayer

According to my Jones soda cap, "an uncomfortable situation will soon be eased." It wasn't. (Note to self: Do not trust random fortune-telling devices)

According to my Starbucks cup, "Evolution as described by Charles Darwin is a scientific theory, abundantly reconfirmed, explaining physical phenomena by physical causes. Intelligent Design is a faith-based initiative in rhetorical argument. Should we teach I.D. in America's public schools? Yes, let's do - not as science, but alongside other spiritual beliefs, such as Islam, Zoroastrianism and the Hindu idea that Earth rests on Chukwa, the giant turtle" (David Quammen, a man of which I have never heard). Oddly, this does not anger me, despite the disrespectful implications of the giant turtle reference. Rather, I find myself asking God to allow me a front row seat when this man approaches the throne. (Note to self: Do not trust big, or small, name scientists who arrogantly claim to have absolute knowledge of something they have neither witnessed nor materially proven)

Living in New York is extreme. I don't feel like a moderate on anything anymore (which is odd, since politically I considered myself more a moderate than ever when I first moved here). Everything about this place forces you to pick a side. If you don't, you will be constantly confronted by supporters of both sides who will thrust their propaganda into your face until you finally do choose. There's no room for indifference, fence-sitting, or otherwise avoiding the situation. It's a tough place to be, theologically, because the older I get the less I see things in black and white. Certain things, of course, are pretty cut and dry: sin, Jesus, gravity, taxes. But most things are not so. And most things don't even have two sides. A great many issues that I've pondered since moving here seem to be hexagonal or, perhaps, decagonal (as in having ten sides - can't be sure whether that's the correct geometric term). On the one hand, it creates a great deal of confusion, but on the other, it requires a decision.

Some of the sides I've chosen on certain issues are, I think, totally unconventional and, in some cases, the complete oppostite of what I believed growing up. But other things that I knew I should believe as a kid and yet always doubted have never been clearer. The constant shouting of dissenting voices has ceased to sound like separate arguments, and has instead become one persistent cry for salvation and freedom. I could almost laugh at all the people in this city who stubbornly insist that they're happy, but they spend so much time insisting you wonder if they're trying as hard to convince themselves as they are everyone else. This is a city of liberation, of self-expression and individuality and actualization. But it's not a happy city. No one who has ever been here would describe it that way. So it amuses me that we spend so much time trying to project that image to everyone else. We're not fooling anyone, except maybe ourselves.

The point of all this is that I see the human condition everywhere I go, and the pattern that God has laid out in the world is starting to make all kinds of sense. In 9th grade one of my favorite songs was Audio Adrenaline's "God-Shaped Hole." The first verse says: "All around the world, people are crying/Deserted souls cry to be filled/Spirits left undone, their hearts are hollow/I can see in their eyes hollow lives." They were right. It goes to show that in many ways your belief system will always start with some assumptions. You have to attack everything from a frame of reference; no one lives in a vacuum. If I approach the world as a place full of beings made in the image of a Creator, built to be sustained by Him, and each engaged in a life-long search for some kind of fulfillment that they aren't finding, it makes total sense to me that what they're missing is God.

I always start out with a theme in mind that I want to write about, and usually my meanderings take me totally off topic. I always consider whether I should erase everything I wrote and rewrite what I actually meant to say, but I never do. My uncensored self is much more insightful than my edited self. Not to say that either has anything groundbreaking to say, but it's amazing what you'll realize you already know if you just kind of spill yourself onto a page.

I was going to talk about prayer, but I think I've said enough for now. Others have said the above in far more eloquent language; see Donald Miller's Searching For God Knows What as one example. I'm trying to open my eyes to see the God-longing in everyone I meet. It isn't hard. If you have a hard time fitting God into your day, start looking for that. All of a sudden you'll see Him everywhere you thought He wasn't, and you'll be greatly challenged by all the ways you're not acknowledging and partnering with Him in His work. I am, anyway.

Song In My Head: Naturally, "God-Shaped Hole"